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“The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I’ll never be as good as a wall.”- Mitch Hedberg.

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A Russian guide to sex for the obese.

According to a Pravda article (the Russian one, not the BBC), larger ladies can enjoy sex more due to the excessive oestrogen coming from their lardiness whereas men have more floppyness issues due to clogged arteries. Unfortunately, the seemingly obvious problem of the various parts not actually meeting in the middle where intended when the pairing involves both parties wielding excessive stomachs isn’t covered.

Something to grab hold of Sir?

We have the inevitable quote from Freud (bearded pervert, endlessly quoted on everything from motherly fixations to sex with quadrupeds) :

Statistically, wealthy men equally like skinny and chubby ladies because a voluptuous woman for them is a sign of their success. According to Freud, such women symbolize “insatiable bosom” that can be satisfied only by a real male.

As an aside here, I don’t recall seeing any huge bulbous footballers partners (WAGs in common parlance I believe) but I suppose the success part involves more than throwing money at dim people who can kick a ball around.

Back to the article :

Statistically, 54% of Russians under age 60 are overweight. 30% of them suffer from obesity that, according to polls, means absence of personal life.

Interestingly enough, despite the fact that Russia is not a leader when it comes to the number of overweight people, Russians love and understand chubby people.

“It is considered normal for men at age 30-35 to develop a belly. Overweight people are associated with wealth and good life. For instance, in pre-revolution Russia a skinny merchant was a rare sight. People have a stigma that fat people eat well, therefore, they live well. Excessively skinny women are not that popular either. There are Russian sayings like “men are not dogs, they don’t like bones” and “a woman should have something a man could grab on.” Russian families where one or both spouses are overweight are not rare. Unfortunately, such couples often break up due to sexual issues since there is a great deal of subtleties in sexual relations with overweight people,” says therapist and sexologist Larisa Fedorchuk.

Interesting to see the difference in attitudes between the Russian view of weight being linked to success and our current weight obsessed, obesity time bombed, socially engineered view of excess lard especially when used as an excuse to remove fat children from their parents.

One thing I do find intriguing about Russian ladies is how they seem to metamorphose between their early 20’s and their mid 30’s from somewhat svelte creatures into rather well upholstered ones. Yes a sweeping generalisation I know but the results of several years observations whilst visiting Tallinn confirms this theory especially so after being sat upon by a rather huge example in a packed No. 6 trolleybus from Õismäe. Whether it’s genes or culture I am not sure but at least I regained the use of my leg after 10 minutes of limping around outside Viru.

Anyway, if you want to know all the gory details of sex for the well padded (well not really gory but I am in a tabloid kind of mood – hence the headline) then do go have a read.

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