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Modern British Life – Nag, Nag, Nag …

nanny_stateNag, nag, nag …

Today started for me at 04:30 when the radio alarm came on with an NHS advert reminding me that A&E and 999 are only for emergencies. After a shower and coffee, I drove a few junctions down the motorway and was reminded on the first overhead sign not to drink and drive. This was followed by the second overhead sign warning me to slow down because of spray and then the third reminding me that tiredness kills. After parking at the railway station park and ride, the sign by the stairs asked me if I had hidden my valuables in the car, turned off the lights and locked the doors. The tanoy system then chimed into life reminding me that surfaces were slippery today due to the rain followed by a reminder to be on the lookout for suspicious items or behaviour.

Standing on the bleak and windswept platform, behind the line as advised by another tannoy announcement due to an approaching train, I stared at the advert from the NHS reminding me once again that A&E and 999 are only for emergencies. Thankfully the arriving train was one I could take to the main station so I got on and made sure I stood clear of the doors as prompted by the robotic sounding announcement. A couple of stops later and the train arrived at the main station where we were reminded by the guard (or train manager as they are apparently called these days) to check around us for all our personal effects, ensure we had all our luggage and to take care stepping from the train due to the gap.

I walked through the main station to the platform I needed and was again reminded to take care due to the surfaces being slippery and also warned that running was not allowed for my own safety. Thankfully, I avoided mishap in this dangerous place and arrived at the correct platform with a few minutes to spare which was just enough time to get another reminder about suspicious items or behaviour, a statement that smoking is not allowed anywhere on station premises and a warning that skateboards may not be used on platform areas. My second train then arrived and after standing clear of the doors was welcomed on board by a member of the ‘on train team’ asking people to keep aisles clear of luggage, elbows and knees so she could come through the carriages with her ‘mobile catering vehicle’ – I kid you not on that one!

Two stops down the line I finally reached my destination and was again reminded to take all my things with me, that surfaces will be slippery, there is a gap when you step off the train and to be alert to suspicious objects or behaviour.

All that lot within 3 hours of waking and all repeated, to the point of wanting to shout for fucks sake fuck off, on my return journey 9 hours later with the added twist of the motorway signs now alternating between asking of my car is ready for winter and warning to slow down due to high winds.

Thankfully, I only have to repeat this torture two days per month – every single day and I am sure I would not be far off a rampage by Friday.

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2 comments to Modern British Life – Nag, Nag, Nag …

  • Furor Teutonicus

    xX they should put up a vidcam/motion-sensor with a loudspeaker XX

    How come THIS stuff never gets vanadalised?

    What does that tell us about WHO really IS vandalising the swing park?

  • I can’t find the link at the moment, but somewhere on YouTube someone recorded their neighborhood park. Let me explain… Evidently someone passed a law/rule that you couldn’t hang out in the park at night. So someone else then decided they should put up a vidcam/motion-sensor with a loudspeaker so that anytime someone entered the park at night and moved, they would hear a loving reminder, in a total Robo-Cop style voice, that they were not permitted in the park at night.

    The dogs etc that wander in and out during the night don’t seem to pay any attention to the loudspeaker though, so the neighbors just get to hear the announcement a few hundred times a night.

    – MJM